A quick hand dip into the holy water followed by the sign of the cross - forehead, chest, shoulder, shoulder. The ritual was automatic and meaningless. She reached up to check her chapel veil to make sure it had not slipped to the side in her rush to get to church, walked to a pew and genuflected before entering and sitting down. When the chords to "Loving Shepherd of the Sheep" began to ring through the church the congregation stood in reverence to the altar. The priest and altar boys made a holy processional as they walked toward the altar. An altar boy swung the thurible with the pungent incense from side to side, its heavy fragrance wafting into the pews symbolically sending the prayers of the congregation heavenward.
"The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all." The priest intoned.
"And also with you" the congregation responded and sat back in the pews. Mass had begun.
Ritual had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember. The Jesuits say "Give me the child for the first seven years and I will show you the man." She had certainly been immersed in the rituals of the church from her infancy, but now as she was entering her sixteenth year she was bored with the confines of the church. She hungered for culture without restrictions. As long as she was in school she would have to follow the dictates of the church, but the church could not wall in her dreams. Any casual observer would see her going through the motions of the mass, but inside she was escaping into her fantasies of what her life could be. She was an artist and as a youth the nuns had taught her to tow the line without question, so much so that she now wondered if she even knew what her own voice was. As a child, she had been an annoyance of questions that saw through the absurdity of the rules. "Why did Sister pin a tissue on my head when I forgot my chapel veil?", "Why did I get in trouble for peeking behind the curtain in the confessional?", "How will I know if I have committed a mortal sin?" Her questions became tiresome to the nuns, to her family and were answered with scripted responses that left her unsatisfied.
"Let us proclaim the mystery of faith." the priest entreated the congregation. Obediently they acclaimed, "Dying you destroyed our death, rising you restored our life. Lord Jesus, come in glory."
Years later she would discover a beauty in these rituals, but now, at this time, it felt suffocating. There was no room for expression, for art, for music, for dance, for anything that moved outside the confines of "what was right and good". Two more years she thought, and I can be free.
"This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are those who are called to his supper."
The congregation responded, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed". They sat down in unison and systematically the pews began to empty row following row to receive communion. She had thought many times of not taking communion, especially if one were sitting in the middle of the pew. It could be such a glaring abstinence as fellow parishioners would solemnly pass being careful not to knock against her. But in the end she always conceded. When the time came her rebellion would be unobserved; a slow folding of the veil, packing of her missal, a quiet closing of the church doors.
"The Mass is ended, go in peace."
"Thanks be to God" she whispered.
The following recipes are all by Suzanne Goin a true artist when it comes to food. A talented chef innately understands the chemistry of food and how to balance complex flavors. Once there is an appreciation of that structure freedom follows and that allows for creative abandonment. Salute!
ARUGULA AND MINT SALAD WITH OIL-CURED OLIVES, ORANGES AND RICOTTA SALATA
1/4 cup fresh orange juice2 tablespoons minced shallots
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon finely grated orange peel
1 teaspoon orange-flower water*
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 cup thinly sliced red onion (about 1/2 medium)
4 large oranges
1 5-ounce package arugula (about 10 cups packed)
1 cup fresh mint leaves (from about 2 bunches)
1/2 cup thinly sliced pitted oil-cured black olives
1 5-ounce piece ricotta salata (salted dry ricotta cheese),cut into 1 1/2-inch-long, 1/4-inch-thick slices
Whisk first 6 ingredients in small bowl. Gradually whisk in oil. Season with salt and pepper. Do ahead Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover; chill. Bring to room temperature and rewhisk before using.
Place onion in large bowl. Add 1/3 of dressing; toss. Let marinate 20 minutes.
Cut off peel and pith from oranges. Cut each orange crosswise into 8 slices.
Add arugula, mint, and olives to bowl with onion; sprinkle with salt and pepper and toss. Add remaining dressing; toss. Divide salad among 6 plates. Tuck orange slices and ricotta salata slices into salads.
ROASTED WHOLE FISH AND FENNEL WITH CRUSHED POTATOES, PRESERVED LEMON AND CHARMOULA
1 cup plain whole-milk yogurt (preferably Greek-style)1 tablespoon chopped fresh cilantro
2 teaspoons fresh lime juice
1 (3- to 4-pound) whole black bass with head and tail, gutted, scaled, rinsed
1/2 bunch fresh Italian parsley sprigs plus 2 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley
1/2 bunch fresh thyme sprigs plus 3 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme, divided
1/3 cup coarsely chopped fresh fennel fronds
1 lemon, thinly sliced
2 teaspoons fennel seeds
2 medium fresh fennel bulbs, trimmed, cut into 1/2-inch-thick wedges
7 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
1 1/2 pounds small fingerling potatoes
2 tablespoons chopped preserved lemon
Charmoula (recipe follows)
Fresh cilantro sprigs
CHARMOULA
1 tablespoon cumin seeds1 garlic clove, minced
1 1/4 cups finely chopped fresh cilantro
1/2 cup finely chopped fresh Italian parsley
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 teaspoons paprika
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
Stir cumin in small skillet over medium heat until lightly toasted, about 2 minutes. Transfer to mortar. Add garlic; pound with pestle until paste forms. Transfer to bowl. Mix in cilantro and next 4 ingredients. Stir in olive oil. Season with salt and pepper. Do ahead Can be made 2 days ahead. Cover; chill. Let stand at room temperature 1 hour before serving.
Mix yogurt, chopped cilantro, and lime juice in small bowl. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Cover and chill.
Cut 2-inch-long, 1/2-inch-deep slits into outside of both sides of fish, spacing 2 inches apart. Sprinkle fish inside and out with salt and pepper. Place parsley sprigs, thyme sprigs, fennel fronds, and lemon slices in fish cavity. Sprinkle top side of fish with chopped parsley and 1 1/2 teaspoons chopped thyme. Cover and chill at least 1 hour. Do ahead Lime yogurt and fish can be made 1 day ahead. Keep refrigerated.
Preheat oven to 400°F. Stir fennel seeds in small dry skillet over medium heat until lightly toasted, about 2 minutes. Mix fennel wedges, 2 tablespoons olive oil, toasted fennel seeds, and 1 1/2 teaspoons chopped thyme on rimmed baking sheet; toss. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast until fennel is tender and beginning to brown, stirring often, about 30 minutes. Do ahead Can be made 2 hours ahead. Let stand at room temperature. Rewarm in 400°F oven until heated through, about 10 minutes.
Place potatoes in large saucepan; fill with enough cold salted water to cover. Bring to boil. Reduce heat; simmer just until potatoes are tender, about 12 minutes. Drain, reserving 1/2 cup cooking liquid. Transfer potatoes to baking sheet and cool slightly. Using heel of hand, smash potatoes coarsely. Return potatoes to same saucepan. Add 3 tablespoons olive oil and preserved lemon. Do ahead Can be made 1 hour ahead. Let stand at room temperature.
Preheat oven to 400°F. Drizzle 2 tablespoons olive oil over fish. Roast fish just until opaque in center, about 30 minutes. Let fish rest 5 minutes.
Add 1/4 cup reserved potato cooking liquid to potato mixture; stir gently over medium heat until heated through, adding more cooking liquid by tablespoonfuls if mixture is dry, about 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.
Using 2 large metal spatulas, transfer fish to platter. Arrange fennel and potato mixture around. Spoon some charmoula, then some lime yogurt atop fish. Garnish with cilantro sprigs. Serve with remaining Charmoula and lime yogurt.
ITALIAN ALMOND TART
1 large egg yolk
1 tablespoon finely grated orange zest
1/4 teaspoon pure almond extract
1/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
6 tablespoons fine cornmeal
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
7 tablespoons cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
1/3 cup granulated sugar
3 tablespoons brown sugar
Preheat the oven to 350°. Butter a 9-inch springform pan. Spread the almonds on a baking sheet and toast for 10 minutes, until golden. Let cool slightly, then coarsely chop the almonds. Leave the oven on.
In a small bowl, mix the egg yolk with the orange zest and the extracts. In a medium bowl, mix the flour, cornmeal and salt. Cut in the butter with a pastry blender or rub it in with your fingers until the mixture resembles coarse meal. Stir in the granulated sugar and brown sugar and the toasted almonds. Gently work in the egg yolk mixture with your hands; the dough should be crumbly.
Transfer the dough to the prepared pan and loosely press the crumbs; the surface should be uneven. Bake for 40 minutes, or until deep golden brown. Transfer to a rack and let cool completely before unmolding.
Break the tart into large pieces. Pile on a platter with the Roasted Red Grapes and serve with the Champagne Sabayon.
